The soundtrack of our lives
by Sigune
Summary: Angeal reflects. Bitterly. The story is set during "Crisis Core" and is supposed to tell the story of Genesis and himself in flashbacks and "real-time". Yaoi, Genesis/Angeal.
1. Prologue

**The soundtrack of our lives**

Summary: Angeal reflects. Bitterly. The story is set during "Crisis Core" and is supposed to tell the story of Genesis and himself in flashbacks and "real-time". Probably not the most original of ideas but I want to stick to the main events of the game (except for the yaoi part) and hope that my way of storytelling makes up for it. ;)

Rating: M for yaoi and violence (later chapters).

Disclaimer: I do not make any money with this. All of the characters belong to SquareEnix, they are (unfortunately) not my own.

Thank you: Soyna and BMIK for their fanfiction "Unstable" which inspired me to write. It's the first time for years and I am grateful for it although I broke my promise never to write fanfiction again. ;) And, of course, to my beloved boyfriend for supporting me and my grammar. ;) I love you.

**~Prologue~**

"Have a look at the dumbapples I reaped! They are the best we've had for years!" I shook my head, smiling. "Well, they are, but you didn't reap them! You've got others doing that for you." The way your smile would always turn into a mature pout at comments like these was priceless. We both knew I was right and yet, you accomplished to have me apologising every time I dared to tease you. I would nudge your arm at first, then plead for forgiveness with the best puppy look I could manage and the situation would always end up in happy giggling. Joyful laughter, almost inaudibly whispered words speaking of untainted and innocent love...yes, they had indeed been the soundtrack of our lives so many years ago.

The purity of childish emotions, your slight blush followed by an unsure smile and the tears you did not want to shed but could not hold back every now and then. I remember all of that so well that it is almost unbearable. We would be wandering outside together whenever we could - the vast grasslands surrounding Banora seemed to wait for us at any time we left the village. It was breezy most of the time, the warm wind ruffling your hair as we stormed through the high grass, already pretending to be great and celebrated fighters. You would try to grab me and throw me down onto the soft culms. I would feign to be weaker than you and let you win because your eyes so quickly got this special hurt look of yours, which, for a reason, I could not stand at all, even back then.

I can still feel your heart racing as it was when you pushed me over the first time, landing on my chest, panting erratically but with the most triumphant gleam of victory mirrored in your eyes and smile. "I won", you would gasp, trying very hard to catch your breath. Our provisory swords, two roughly carved pieces of wood, would break from the heated thrashing every now and then. Yes, the sound of battle had indeed already come to our ears back then and gained our attention, propagandised as the most honourable path for every single human being. The most honourable path to death and misery, as I know today. And yet, we were nothing but children, fooling around, piecing together the glorious image of heroes we both so desperately wanted to become.

We were nothing but children playing soldier. And today, I am nothing but a SOLDIER, wishing I was a child again. Those moments are gone, memories I do not want to remember since they portray a past life so painfully real; a life I wanted to cherish forever and a life you did everything you could to forget so badly over the years. And now, they are undeniably gone, and yet their ghosts linger in the corner of every single hallway I walk and every single room I settle down in. They are dead and gone, and they have taken you along.


	2. Chapter 1

**~ Chapter 1 ~**

Summary: Set about the beginning of _Crisis Core_. Angeal gets bad news. Parts of the discussion are taken from the English version of the game.

Warnings: None so far. Well, implied M/M, but I guess that should be clear by now. If you don't like yaoi or M/M in general, do not read the story as the yaoi level is going to increase. ;)

Beta: None, unfortunately. Sorry about that.

Disclaimer: I do not make any money with this. All of the characters belong to SquareEnix, they are (unfortunately) not my own.

"That's impossible!" His voice nearly broke when he realized what the man on the other end of the phone had just told him, heart stopping dead for a moment. _"I'm afraid it's not."_ The director cleared his throat, obviously aware of how these news would affect his collocutor. _"Come to my office as soon as possible. It's urgent, Angeal."_ It must be – Lazard never was on first name terms with him. The phone clicked and the line was dead. It had to be a sick joke. There simply was no other explanation. _"SOLDIER First Class Genesis Rhapsodos, missing in action"_. The same words echoed in his mind, over and over again. He hadn't even listened to the rest of what Lazard had explained. Genesis, missing in action, probably dead...it just had to be a sick joke; the problem was that he did not in the least consider it funny.

He quickly got to his feet and hurried over to the training room where Zack was still having one of his sessions. Although his head was spinning, he tried very hard to pretend that nothing unusual had happened at all, at least not for the moment. He had to slip back into his role as the younger one's supervisor and mentor and he forced himself to slow down his steps the nearer he got to the door. There was no need in letting his emotions show - Zack would know soon enough. His sword collided with Sephiroth's masamune, announcing that the fight was over. Zack looked up at him with confusion in his bright blue eyes, while his fingers kept searching for his own weapon which Sephiroth had managed to snatch away from him. "You are done for today," Angeal stated, his usually calm voice shaking only a tiny bit. A keen observer would have been able to read this as a revelation of his tension but Zack was still too high on adrenalin to notice and except for the younger SOLDIER, there was just no one around. His face darkened as his mind wandered off to Genesis again. He would have been able to tell.

Their surroundings had already started to change, the streets, the dark buildings and the exact image of Sephiroth falling to pieces until the training room looked just as it had done before the imagined mission. "Really?" Zack gave a complaining howl. "But I was just about to - " Angeal cut him off with a serious glare and Zack quickly shut his mouth. His mentor's expression immediately softened and he sighed, picking up Zack's sword. "You will soon be able to make use of your skills outside of this room." He handed it over to the Second Class whose eyes widened in excitement. Before he could happily throw himself at Angeal and thank him, the First Class turned around to leave the hall. Usually, he enjoyed the innocent hugs and amicable, comforting touches which were just the boy's nature, but Angeal felt as if he could not stand any physical contact at all in his current state. Leaving Zack behind who gazed after him with a worried expression on his youthful face, Angeal kept walking towards the door. On the step, he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "If you want to be a hero you have to hold on to your dreams. And also your pride. Always remember that, Zack." He could feel Zack's gaze lingering on him until the door finally clicked shut behind him.

"...and then, we are thrown off the track. We have no idea where they went. They practically disappeared, Angeal." The SOLDIER massaged his temples. It was impossible. Lazard had just informed him that it was not only Genesis who had gone missing, but also every single one of the other recruits he had taken along – Second and Third Classes. The director looked tired and worn out, his blond hair messy and his eyes underlined with dark circles. Angeal could feel the man staring at him and it felt as if Lazard was waiting for him to say something. When Angeal still did not speak after a few minutes, the director just asked him the inevitable question that had been on his mind ever since Genesis had disappeared. "Do you know anything about this?" Lazard held his breath. He had not wanted to ask this but he needed to know what was going on. "Excuse me?" The black-haired man gave a low growl, rising from his chair, his whole body strained. For a split second Lazard closed his eyes, then looked back into the dark eyes veiled in rage. "Angeal, I have to know what happened and why it happened. And you and Genesis..." "Don't you dare accusing any of us of treason! Neither Genesis nor I would have a reason to betray ShinRa. And everything else that is between us..." His eyes narrowed, dangerously. "Leave it to us. It's none of your business." He knew that he was harsh and overreacting and yet, he had always been protective when it came to Genesis. Leaning back in his chair, Lazard nodded thoughtfully. "I apologise. You have always been loyal to us, and you are right. You would not have had any reason. Neither would he. Please take a seat, Angeal. I would like to talk things through with you. We need to develop a plan to find them." Angeal sat down again, his hands still clenched tightly. Lazard hadn't meant to suspect them, he knew that; he was just doing his job. Staring at Genesis' picture on the small monitor in front of him, he felt his heart tighten uncomfortably. "I would suggest Zackary Fair."

Alright, first chapter done so far! I am getting more and more excited about writing after such a long time. Please leave some reviews, I would really like to know if the story should go on or not! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 2

**~ Chapter 2 ~**

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Summary: Genesis and Angeal share their dreams of becoming SOLDIERS back in Banora. And there are two first times. But not what you might think. ;)

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Warnings: Mentioning of M/M and a kiss. If you don't like yaoi or M/M in general, do not read the story as the yaoi level is going to increase. ;)

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Beta: None, unfortunately. Sorry about that.

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Disclaimer: I do not make any money with this. All of the characters belong to SquareEnix, they are (unfortunately) not my own.

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"Angeal?" "Hm?" The dark-haired youth did not bother to speak but instead gave Genesis a content hum. It was too nice and comfortable to voice words; the high grass was pleasantly tickling his bare arms and feet and it was still warm although the sun had already set half an hour ago. Yet, the sky had not fully accepted the dark colours of the upcoming evening but was traversed by crimson lines. It was a beautiful evening and Angeal could have stayed exactly like this forever. He chuckled. Genesis could never keep his mouth shut and he was surprised that the boy had actually managed to remain silent for ten minutes. He could hear the culms rustling when Genesis rolled over to face him. "What are you going to do first when you are a First Class?" Angeal could not answer this question right away. He had never really thought about it. Well, there were lots of things one could do, but they did not really seem appropriate. The images of a completely drunk Genesis came to his mind, a Genesis who was way too much into parties and celebrating his new position as a SOLDIER general. He grinned, opened his eyes and turned his head towards the redhead. "Well, I am going to take care of you, of course. Make sure to get you out of any embarassing situations and stuff like that." There was the pouting again, this typical sulking which made Angeal want to tease him even further, although he couldn't help finding it adorably cute at the same time. Genesis snorted and sat up, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He could really act like a diva, Angeal thought, suppressing a grin. "You are a big meanie, Hewley. It's not a nice way to talk to someone who has brought something to share with you." Angeal lifted his head a little but didn't really bother to change his position. The redhead was his best friend, sure, but generosity had never been one of Genesis's outstanding qualities. "Oh really? And what would that be, if big meanies are allowed to ask?" It had gotten dark in the meantime, the pale moon, only half-full and lazily looming above their heads being the only source of light except for the faint glow that came from the houses of Banora in the background. The absence of proper light made it difficult to identify the small object at first which Genesis had taken out of his pocket, but after his eyes had adjusted to the semidarkness, Angeal clearly recognised the shape. It was a dumbapple. Amusingly, although Genesis's parents owned the largest and most beautiful dumbapple tree Angeal had ever seen, he had never eaten even one of them. He had stolen fruits from every other tree in the village except for this one. And Genesis knew. "Pride is a troublesome thing, you know...so I decided to let you have one of those. If I give it to you as some sort of a present, it would be rude to reject it." Angeal gave a barely audible chuckle and accepted one half of the delicacy after his friend had sliced the fruit. "Thank you." Genesis waved his hand. "You know that we have way too many of them. Someone needs to eat them, you know." "Sure thing," Angeal replied, chewing, and yet he knew that there was so much more to the younger one's gesture. They sat there for a while, in complete silence, until Genesis spoke again. The ease in his voice was gone, however, and had been substituted by an undertone Angeal could not exactly place. "Do you think that we can make it? To SOLDIERs, I mean." The older youth punched his arm playfully without getting the usual laugh out of Genesis. "Of course. We both can make it. It's our dream after all, isn't it?" He could see Genesis nod and put one arm around the redhead's shoulder, feeling the sudden need to comfort him. Moments like these were a rare occasion since Genesis did not like to show his emotions, not even in front of his best friend. "Dream..." Genesis repeated, more to himself; the softly spoken word vanished soon. Unexpectedly, he turned his head and silently looked into Angeal's now confused eyes. "Genesis, wh-" Leaning forward, the younger one cut him off, his lips touching Angeal's only slightly, as if in doubt, questioning if it was alright to do so. For a split second, the dark haired youth seemed petrified, eyes wide with shock, though he was not given any time to think about the situation. Instead, the lips left his own again and Genesis quickly jumped to his feet, avoiding eye contact with his best friend. "I need to go home now. Until tomorrow." Not even waiting for an answer, he hurried towards his parents' house on the small hill in the south of the village. Angeal tried to calm his breath, gazing after Genesis until he was out of sight. When he looked down, he realised that Genesis hadn't eaten his half of the dumbapple.

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Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed it or can tell me what to do better, please, please let me know! I'm getting closer to writing yaoi again and it's been a while. What do you think of the scene? Please review! :)


	4. Chapter 3

**~ Chapter 3 ~**

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Summary: Set several weeks before the incident with Genesis. Angeal is worried about his friend. This chapter is dedicated to Sara. Thank you so much for your lovely review! ;) I hope that you will still enjoy the story in the future.

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Warnings: Lots of kisses. If you don't like yaoi or M/M in general, please do not read the story. ;)

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Beta: Still none, unfortunately. Sorry about that.

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Disclaimer: I do not make any money with this. All of the characters and the game belong to SquareEnix, they are (unfortunately) not my own.

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Strong arms slid gently around his waist, pulling him closer, while the lips of his beloved placed a soft kiss on red hair still damp from showering. Genesis tensed for a second; he had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed Angeal. "Good morning," the dark haired SOLDIER murmured sleepily before he started placing a trail of kisses from Genesis's neck to his shoulder blades. The younger First Class let out an approving sigh, relaxing under the caresses. "You are late," he replied and turned around to face Angeal who showed no intention to stop his movements. "What a nice way to greet me," Angeal managed to whisper in between two feathery touches. He had tried to sound offended, but he could do nothing but grin at hearing Genesis's quiet chuckle. "I apologise. Just wanted to take the opportunity of being the reasonable one for once." He responded to the kissing by cocking his head, granting Angeal better access to his throat and neck. "Drop it. Doesn't suit you," the older man replied and proceeded to nibble at Genesis's skin through the thin fabric of his shirt, finally reaching his left shoulder. Suddenly, however, his lover flinched and groaned in pain, trying to move away from the touch he had obviously enjoyed only seconds ago. Alarmed, Angeal looked up, feeling his heart tighten as he saw how hard Genesis tried to control the agony he was in, his face contorted and pale. "I am so sorry...please tell me that it's not _this_ wound, Gen. It should have healed weeks ago. I thought it had gotten better." The younger SOLDIER lowered his head, clearly avoiding eye contact, and remained silent. Angeal sighed. "Take your shirt off." "I beg your pardon?" "I said, take your shirt off. I want to have a look at it." "No way." Genesis crossed his arms in front of his chest, shaking his head violently. His lover tried to fight the panic and frustration which slowly started to rise inside of him, tried to keep calm – to no avail. "Have you been to Hollander? What did he say? Why doesn't it heal?" It was not like Angeal at all to talk so much though he started getting really worried and could hardly settle his thoughts. Genesis snorted. "Of course I have. I've paid hundreds of visits to the fool during the last few weeks. He doesn't know either. I guess we'll just have to wait." "Wait? You cringe because of a small kiss and he tells you to wait? There must be a cure. You are a SOLDIER, after all." A strange smile played upon the redhead's lips which Angeal could not place. "Yes, a SOLDIER...I wonder what this is all about," he muttered more to himself and moved past Angeal to grab the rest of his uniform. "Gen..." Not answering to Angeal's soft and desperate uttering of his name, he left the bathroom with only a few steps. He was, however, not fast enough for Angeal to miss the single strand of ashen, almost colourless hair which had settled comfortably between the usual shining red streaks.

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"Hey Angeal!" Zack waved happily at him, scuffling towards his mentor. He wore his characteristical grin which usually made Angeal smile as well, though it failed to do so this morning. When the older man shrugged his kind greeting off with a grunt, Zack's face fell immediately, serious worry substituting former cheerfulness. The puppy even refrained from merrily hugging Angeal which he had never done before. "What's wrong with you, man? Does Genesis have a bad hair day?" It was meant as a joke, a simple hoax to cheer his friend up, but it was enough to completely infuriate Angeal within seconds. His whole body tensed and Zack could see his hands curling into fists. "That's none of your business! You should rather spend your time on practising a bit more instead of prying into other people's affairs." Zack had never heard Angeal shout before. The poor Second Class flinched, only slightly, but it was clearly visible to Angeal's observant eyes. "I...I am sorry, I didn't want to...I didn't mean to..." Zack stammered, his gaze firmly fixed to the ground. Confusion and insecurity replaced the usual joy and lightness in his dark eyes, silently asking the question: "What have I done wrong?" Angeal groaned and massaged his temples. For a split second, it looked as if he wanted to stamp his foot like an angry child but instead, he let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head. "No, Zack. I apologise. It is not your fault, not at all. You are right, though. It is about Genesis."

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Never before had Angeal dared to talk to one of his students about personal matters; nonetheless, it simply felt right to entrust Zack with his worries. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe there was nothing to feel concerned about at all. Maybe the injury would heal in the next few days. Maybe...but the SOLDIER doubted it. There was the faint touch of a bad feeling inside of him, a presentiment perhaps, which he couldn't cast off, no matter how hard he tried to calm down and convince himself that there would be a solution and that it was only a matter of time until it was found. He knew something would happen; it had already started. "So you think that he's really sick?" Zack asked with a frown, taking a sip from his soda. Angeal nodded and buried his face in his hands. The cafeteria was empty except for the two of them and his heavy, sorrowful breathing echoing from the walls sounded almost too loud in the small room. For a brief moment, Zack considered hugging the older man, but decided to pat his shoulder instead, uncertain if his mentor would approve or not. "Hollander knows what he does, that's for sure. He'll find a way." It was a poor consolation and a lie on top of that – he didn't know anything about the scientist and his work or possibilities. Yet, it was the only solace Zack could offer. Angeal wanted to shout and rage; he wanted to yell at Zack that he knew that his student didn't mean it, but the words wouldn't come. He was too tired to be furious and too exhausted to debate. The fear for his beloved had been weak at first since he knew that Genesis was strong and stubborn. He had been sure that the redhead would keep his chin up. Now, however, his dread increased rapidly and earlier this morning, after discovering the younger man's wound, he had already felt Genesis slipping away from him. As from a distance, he heard Zack soothe "He will be fine, 'Geal." The dark haired man gave a weak nod and managed an even weaker smile. "Let's get back to the training area," he suggested and got up, finishing his drink. When he placed the glass back on the table, his hand was shaking so much that the vessel almost slipped to the floor.

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Thank you all for reading! Please review, I am thankful for every advice on how to improve the story or my writing. You may also just let me know if you liked the story so far. ;)


	5. Chapter 4

**~ Chapter 4 ~**

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Summary: Angeal and Genesis enter ShinRa. Before they do, however, they share the last peaceful moments in Banora together.

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Warnings: M/M, of course. If you don't like yaoi or M/M in general, please do not read the story. ;) And it's kind of...sappy, I think. Sorry about that. And Genesis = dramaqueen. Just for the record.

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Beta: None.

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Disclaimer: I do not make any money with this. All of the characters and the game belong to SquareEnix, they are (unfortunately) not my own.

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Genesis let his eyes wander over the wide fields behind his parents' house, quietly and lost in thought, his gaze mirroring the same melancholy and sadness the weather seemed to express on the day of his leave. It had been raining for hours and yet, the soft shimmer of violet and gold which showed in the distant North promised a stunning, colourful evening. It was, however, no more than a promise. Protected from the cold dampness by the eaves of the small barn he always visited when something important had happened or was going to do so, he watched how the small flowers of late summer were slowly destroyed by the strongly pouring water. The sight left him with a strangely comforting feeling and he picked a small stone up from the moist ground to smash another of the pretty red beings. His bags were packed; they waited only for him where his mother had neatly placed them at the foot of the stairs to the first floor, but he did not feel fit to collect them at all. Today was the day he and Angeal had been waiting for for months, but suddenly, the younger youth was not too keen on leaving for ShinRa anymore. "You regret it, don't you?" Angeal's voice was soft as always when he spoke to his best friend and Genesis smiled a smile which never reached his eyes, never tearing his gaze away from the war on the fields.

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"What do you mean?" He knew exactly what Angeal had tried to ask him – he wanted to hear him voice it, though. "ShinRa. You don't want to go. I can see it in your eyes. There is another emotion I cannot tell so easily. Are you afraid?" Sitting down beside Genesis, Angeal tore a long culm from the muddy ground and placed it between his thumbs before he brought his lips to his fingers. He was able to get a few high pitched whistling sounds from it that slightly resembled those of a young bird; then, he started ripping his improvised instrument into tiny green pieces, dropping them to the muddy floor without further consideration. "A part of me is indeed a bit frightened, yes." The rain murdered the bright flowers more mercilessly. Expectantly, Angeal lifted one eyebrow. "I do not want to go because I do not want anything to change in the way we interact. A part of me does not want to wake up tomorrow, knowing that we won't be able to fool around like we used to. It all feels so...absolute. But at the same time, I know that Banora is neither your future nor mine. And you were right about what you said: it was and is indeed my dream to become a SOLDIER. Our dream." There it was again, this tense silence which had appeared more and more often since their evening in the fields. Angeal sensed that something between them had already changed although he was not sure about what it was. Noticing a certain movement besides him, he turned to see that Genesis was carefully snuggling closer, finally leaning his head on Angeal's shoulder.

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"You never asked me about it," he murmured and poked his stained right shoe at one of the flowers whose neck had already been broken. "About wh-" "The kiss." Genesis was well aware that his best friend knew exactly what he meant and he was not up to denying it – he certainly was in no mood for games. Sighing, he scrunched the remnants of the red blossom before he looked up, searching for the older youth's eyes. Angeal, however, was trying extraordinarily hard to avoid his gaze. "Look, if you want me to apologise, I will do so. We can pretend that it never happened, if this is more to your liking. Just say something, for Gaia's sake." On this day, he was reaching the point of losing his temper even faster than usual, frustration of different kinds constantly gnawing at him. "Do you want to apologise?" Sometimes, Genesis really admired Angeal's incredible patience and his ability to be considerate, even when matters were rather delicate. In situations like these, he could hardly believe that Angeal was only sixteen; he seemed so much more mature, even more grown-up than many of the adults. "No." A faint smile played on the brunette's lips and he nodded, as if he had realised something extremely important all at once, as if the parts of an unknown puzzle had finally fallen into place. It made Genesis even more nervous. "Why did you do it?" "Did it bother you?" "Why did you run from me?" "You never mentioned it again." Angeal rolled his eyes. "Stop that! Why don't you answer me?" "I love you."

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Silence. The pouring rain was the only source of noise though neither of them heard it anymore. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, until Angeal dared to speak, his voice trembling. He did not even try to hide it. "You could have said something, you know." A wretched attempt at smiling. And suddenly, he understood the fear in Genesis' eyes. "You could have asked," the younger one retorted quietly before a low chuckle escaped his throat. "And by the way: you wouldn't have said something either. You are way too honourable to do such a thing. But see, I could not keep it to myself. I should never have burdened you with my feelings. For this, I apologise." The shaky voice died again, convinced that it had destroyed what had been between them. Angeal frowned thoughtfully. "Some secrets are not meant for being kept. It was good that you told me." Genesis' voice sounded even more miserable than before; the harder he tried to act normal, the worse it got. "We should get ready." He nearly fell when he tried to get up and when he had finally succeeded, it was Angeal's hand that wouldn't let go of him. "Don't...not again." "Let go of me." "I won't." Angeal rose, his hand still tightened around Genesis' wrist. "Everything has been said, hasn't it?" "Gaia, do you want to start that kind of discussion again?" Pursing his lips, Genesis considered what to do next, but he couldn't think of a possible way out of this awkward situation. In one constrained movement he shortened the distance between him and Angeal and before he realised what he was doing, his lips had walked their own path and found his best friend's. This time, however, he did not pull away.

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Thanks for reading! Sorry for the short chapter, I'm awfully busy at the moment. I really try to make them longer in the future. Please review nonetheless. :)


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